Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
