That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
