I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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