Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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