I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Ketchup is God's man juice
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
