I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
