I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
