She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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