Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
