I must be too annoying 4 u.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
