ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
