Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
