I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
did you just send me my own nude
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
