I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
