I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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