this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
