remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
