When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
