you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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