You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
