Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
