dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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