Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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