Plan B is the new Plan A
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
