Plan B is the new Plan A
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
