Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
