When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
