I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
