12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
