U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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