Do vagina's smell?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
