Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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