Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
