He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize
