Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
