We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
