We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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