lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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