i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
