I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
