it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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