Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
