I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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