so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We got so high we made milksteak
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
