my being single is dangerous.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
