I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
