even my farts smell like vagina
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
