I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
