dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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