my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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