Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
