Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
