I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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