I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
