i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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