I accidentally had phone sex last night
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
