Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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