also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
