It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My ATM looks so different sober.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
