So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I can text with my tongue
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
