i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
North Korea, Best Korea!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
