my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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